Badass of the Week
badass |ˈbadˌas| informal noun a tough, aggressive, or uncooperative person : one of them is a real badass, the other's pretty friendly.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
April 7th - April 14th: Chuck Norris
Despite being the star of the one of the shittiest television shows ever made (Walker Texas Ranger), Chuck Norris is undeniabley a badass. Or perhaps, the idea of Chuck Norris is more badass than him personally. For example, here are some commonly known facts about the fellow:
Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin, its' descendants are now known as giraffes. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allowed to live. Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories. Chuck Norris can speak Spanish in three different languages. There was no Big Bang, Chuck Norris just round-house kicked the center of the universe.
With a resume like that, all the other "badasses" I've talked about can't really compare to Chucky.
Friday, May 13, 2011
March 31rst - April 7th: Hiroo Onoda
Some may think his life choices were stupid, but I think they're pretty badass.
Hiroo Onoda was a Japanese Army officer in WWII. He was part of an elite group of soldiers trained in guerilla warfare dedicated to gathering enemy intelligence. Onoda was stationed in the Phillipines, where he and his company of three other soldiers attempted to piss off the locals and the Americans. In October 1945 the war came to an end, but not for Hiroo and his homies. Leaflets from the Japanese Army telling Hiroo and his men that the war had ended were constantly dropped in the dense jungle they were hiding in, but to no avail. The foursome deemed the leaflets to be a trick by the Americans, and decided to continue kick it in the jungle. One of the three footmen caught on to the reality of the situation, and slipped off and made his way back to Japan after 5 years of keeping up that crazy charade. In 1954 another was shot and killed by a stray bullet, ironically enough from a search party looking for the three Japanese men. In 1972 the last of the footmen was killed in a shootout with the local police. So then it was one. Hiroo stayed in jungle, and continued to throw pebbles at the farmers and fight bravely for the glory of Japan. In 1974, a Japanese college drop out traveled to the small Phillipino island to find Hiroo, which he did. The two had a nice bit of convo, but Hiroo was not convinced that the war had ended and would only believe so until his commanding officer told him so. So the Japanese college drop out snapped a couple pictures of the two of them, and made his way back to the homeland to get the only man who could convince Hiroo of the truth. After his meeting with the young Japanese traveler, Hiroo Oronda's commanding officer flew to the Phillipines, and Hiroo officially became a veteran. However, it is important to notice that until that moment in time Hiroo had spent TWENTY NINE years hiding and fighting his way through the jungle.
Rock on Hiroo.
Friday, May 6, 2011
March 23rd - March 30th: Joe Pesci
"I'll pray to Joe Pesci, because he looks like a guy that can get stuff done" - George Carlin
To the untrained eye, Joe Pesci looks like a short hairy Italian man with an uneasy temper. Granted, this is true, but don't let his appearance fool you because he will come after your knee caps with an aluminum bat. Deniro, Pacino, and Brando have been acclaimed as the best on screen Italian gangsters, but I really think the cake goes to Joe Pesci. It may be his quirky attitude, the three piece suits or maybe the fact that he's straight up psychotic in most of his movies. Whether he's the sleaz ball wearing the cheesy polyester suits in Casino or wreaking havoc in the mobster world, Pesci never provides a dull moment.
I tip my hat to a true wise guy, a true gangster and a true homie. Joe Pesci's uniqueness is truly one of a kind, and will hopefully be remembered for eons and eons. Be sure to check out My Cousin Vinny if you haven't already, to see one of Pesci's more lighthearted but still entertaining performances.
March 16th - March 23rd: Vinnie Jones
Saying that Vinnie Jones is typecast is an understatement, but I'm sure he doesn't mind it.
Vinnie Jones started his professional football career 27 years ago and made a name for himself by kicking the shit out of everyone in the English Premier League. Afterwards, Vinnie Jones dipped his toes in the film industry and made a name for himself by kicking the shit of out everyone on the movie screen. As you can see, Mr. Jones' work record has been filled with cursing, broken limbs, bar fights and bad manners, making him the perfect candidate for this week's badass of the week.
Perhaps you may recognize him as the guy who screamed "I'M THE JUGGERNAUT BITCHHH" in the recent X-Men movie, or that dude in Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels who smashes that poor soul's head into a car door a few hundred times. BUT if you're not that movie inclined, I'm confident you'll totally recognize him as the angry english man on the telly who is always picking some sort of fight.
Can't we all get along Vinny? I'm sure underneath it all he's a sensitive soul who loves to relax to the soothing sounds of George Michael and curl up with a nice glass of Chianti.
March 9th - March 16th: Steve McQueen
Think about the contemporary actors of today who are considered by the media and popular opinion to define and embody what is badass. The Rock, Jason Statham, Gerard Butler. All these glorified dingleberries ain't got shit on the forefathers of badassdom. Their glamour biceps and carefully applied guyliner doesn't compare to the raw, gritty manliness that was present in the past. When I say forefather I have a few people in mind, but today I'm going to talk about one in particular, my dude Steve McQueen.
To start, think about every dope ass car chase scene you've seen on TV, in the movies or on the internet. Fast and the Furious, Gone in 60 Seconds, Italian Job etc.etc.etc. All of that was directly influenced by the legendary and balls to the walls car chase scene that McQueen stars in, in the hit film Bullit.
McQueen had the acting ability to back up all his crazy stunts. Some of my favorites McQueen flicks that I would strongly recommend would be The Great Escape, Papillon, The Sand Pebbles and The Magnificent Seven.
McQueen's screen presence was truly amazing, and he captivated and took over whatever movie he decided to do. Steve unfortunately passed away at the age of 50, but still left an indefinite mark on Hollywood and the film industry in general.
And now I'll leave you with the scene that started it all.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
March 2nd - March 9th: Sean Connery
This is Sean Connery, and he'll beat you till you love him.
Greetings, I'd like to introduce you a man above men. A man whose swag can be smelt from China and whose chest hair is actually barbed wire. A man that has a bronze statue of himself in the capitol city of Estonia. A man that makes William Wallace look like a total wiener.
Scotland gets some serious points for producing this fellow. Sean Connery is a homie, ladies want him and guys want to be him. Why is Sean Connery a badass you might ask? Well, here are a few reasons:
1. His scottish accent is super kewl
2. He wears short shorts like a boss
3. He's super dank at karate
4. This picture ------->
In the past, Seany took a little heat for his comments in an interview with Barbara Walters. He stated that he possesed the right to hit his wife after a heated altercation, and defended his opinion on national television. Now I'm not going to go ahead and agree with him, but I do respect the fact that he had enough balls to defend a super controversial statement and hold close to his opinions.
Recently, Sean Connery has been working on moon exploration and one day plans to colonize both the moon and outerspace with millions of his spawn. I'll be sure to keep you updated on his progress.
Peaceos Denicoes
February 23rd-March 2nd : Goob of the Week - Adam Yaboi Troy
As you can read from the title, this week's theme is a little different. This week I'll be talking about the goobers of the world, one specifically that I am lucky enough to be acquaintances with.
He's Adam Yaboi Troy, and he's a downright goob.
Now to give some context, I feel as if I should define the word "goober". To be honest, I can't give an exact definition but I can give some key themes. A goober is a person that spends all day goobin' out and chillin'. A goober is a person that acts in a way that can be described as goob. A goober is a man amongst men, that is why he is distinguished as a goober in the first place. We all know people who are goobers, and they are all as equally close to our hearts.
Adam Yaboi Troy was born in Rome, Georgia on a humid August day. At the age of four he taught himself guitar, and grew an unnatural amount of body hair. Yaboi was born to goob, and still goobs out hardcore to this very day. You can see him at D-Hall eating all the shitty food no one touches (brocolli and cheese soup..), picking the lint out of his belly button in the fourth floor lounge of Jonsson Tower, or straight goobin' on case green (warm weather permitted).
Living with such a goob is a blessing. Sometimes I'd like to think that his goobness has somewhat rubbed off onto me, making me a semi-goober. However, deep down in my heart I know that I (along with most people) will never be able to achieve the level of goob of Yaboi. Yaboi has reached the apex of goobdom, and intends to stay there for a long ass time.
So to all you readers out there, if I can relay one piece of advice it would be this: Talk like a goob, walk like a goob, be the goob.
p.s. Be on the look out for Yaboi and I's new pop-electro-new wave-synth-folk lore-funk duo group called Red Panda. It's gonna be big yall.
Peaceos Denicoes
He's Adam Yaboi Troy, and he's a downright goob.
Now to give some context, I feel as if I should define the word "goober". To be honest, I can't give an exact definition but I can give some key themes. A goober is a person that spends all day goobin' out and chillin'. A goober is a person that acts in a way that can be described as goob. A goober is a man amongst men, that is why he is distinguished as a goober in the first place. We all know people who are goobers, and they are all as equally close to our hearts.
Adam Yaboi Troy was born in Rome, Georgia on a humid August day. At the age of four he taught himself guitar, and grew an unnatural amount of body hair. Yaboi was born to goob, and still goobs out hardcore to this very day. You can see him at D-Hall eating all the shitty food no one touches (brocolli and cheese soup..), picking the lint out of his belly button in the fourth floor lounge of Jonsson Tower, or straight goobin' on case green (warm weather permitted).
Living with such a goob is a blessing. Sometimes I'd like to think that his goobness has somewhat rubbed off onto me, making me a semi-goober. However, deep down in my heart I know that I (along with most people) will never be able to achieve the level of goob of Yaboi. Yaboi has reached the apex of goobdom, and intends to stay there for a long ass time.
So to all you readers out there, if I can relay one piece of advice it would be this: Talk like a goob, walk like a goob, be the goob.
p.s. Be on the look out for Yaboi and I's new pop-electro-new wave-synth-folk lore-funk duo group called Red Panda. It's gonna be big yall.
Peaceos Denicoes
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